When I was younger, I took it for granted that my friends would always be available for hungover brunches and emergency threesomes.
But now, seeing my friends usually means being the one single person amid a mob of couples, who treat me either like hired entertainment (“tell us a funny Tinder story, clown! For instance, for years now my friends and I have spent summer weekends at a shared beach house on Fire Island.
“Okay, I’m going to be really misogynistic for a minute,” Steve told me from the phone, “but I think that women—even if they are modern and feminist and independent or whatever—still feel pressure to get married and grow up in that specific, Disney-lifestyle kind of way.
So the women who are my age-ish, who are still single, are kind of the fucking leftovers.
Eventually, you stop being invited to the dinner parties or on the vacations, because why would you want to be on holiday with a bunch of people who are shacking up together?
” Steve sees this clan-like behavior creeping into the workplace as well.
When I told this story to my mom, she responded with a sigh, “See, this is why you need a boyfriend: Air conditioners, broken toilets, a raccoon in the basement—that all becomes their problem.”But it’s not just that being single suddenly feels alienating in your 30s.
It’s also that dating itself becomes more difficult. You don’t want to waste your time on someone who doesn’t feel like they could be “the one.” But simultaneously, thinking “would he make a good dad?
We know more about what we want and what we won’t tolerate—but to a point where almost no one is good enough.There are three bedrooms and one pullout couch, and suddenly this year I keep being demoted to the couch, so that the couples can have “privacy.” Excuse me, but do single people not need privacy?I get that they want to have sex on their vacation, but where am I supposed to jerk off? There’s no other way to look at it: I am a victim of couple privilege.If you had asked me two years ago about having a family, I would have been like, “Eww, why would I have kids when I could devote my life to more important things, like blogging and attending mediocre sex parties? Maybe I should just start a family.” (I guess biology is real?) There comes a point at which eating steak alone at Le Bernadin and winking at strangers no longer feels exciting, and you’d rather actually connect with another human being on a level deeper than “I’m drunk and you’re in front of me.” And one thing that I definitely don’t want is to hit 35 and enter a uterus panic mode.In 2010, Lori Gottlieb authored the polarizing bestseller .