I knew that I wanted someone that would join me on a run or meet me at the gym.
I also wanted someone for whom fitness and exercise was a way of life, not just an opportunityto cinch in the belt a bit.
I had a few: all activities had to be completely legal, and he had to be completely single and available. You can think of your ex with no spike in emotions, no pit in your stomach, and maybe even with some thoughts of well wishes. You are actually at least a little excited at the prospect of meeting new people.
This is a whole separate post, but if you can think of dating as a big fun adventure where you get to meet fun and exciting new people, you're good to go. Unfortunately there's a necessary time for healing and transition between the end of your marriage and the beginning of something significant that is also healthy and has long-term potential.
Then, when you're past the point of licking some serious post-divorce wounds and you've found some inner peace, you might be ready to get out there.
You may be surprised to realize that there are aspects of your ex that you want again or perhaps characteristics that were not important before but are now.
After all, if you've tolerated a bad relationship that finally ends, why wouldn't it make sense to immediately start looking for something great with someone fantastic? My friends rallied around me, told me "I still had it" and began introducing me to eligible bachelors, whether they were a potential fit or not.
I dated a few nice people, but for sure my heart was not in it.
You may want to find someone with some of the same qualities, I mean, your ex wasn't all bad, right? You may still have some good feelings of love and fondness, but you're not in love.
In addition, you want to identify some deal-breakers. On the flip side, you've let go of any anger and homicidal feelings.