Your perfectionism acts as a way to intimidate others, and it keeps you too busy for relationships, anyway.Another form of perfection, the ‘ideal mate list’ is usually something that nobody can live up to, and is a convenient way to brush off connecting with others by claiming ‘I am sure of what I want and you just aren’t it.’ So you will pick someone who is emotionally unavailable (already taken, not looking for love, still hung up on someone else).So always being forcefully upbeat is often a tactic to hide parts of ourselves and avoid deep connection.This habit of deflecting any focus away from yourself might see you come across as a ‘real friend’.Therapy also offers you a chance to form a relationship based on trust.For many, the therapist-client relationship is their first time trusting another, and can be a place to try out ways of relating you can then take out into the world. We are committed to making emotional health as important and normal as physical health so help us get the word out!The truth about human nature is that we don’t bond over strength but weaknesses.Sure, we can bump chests and high five over group wins, but we form long lasting bonds when we see each other vulnerable and have a chance to share empathy.
(Which you are probably already doing if you have found this article.) The next best step is to seek support and help.The verb ‘intimate’ translates as ‘ And intimacy is increasingly shown by psychological studies to be a very important part of modern life. Behind a fear of intimacy is a fear of facing up to yourself and what you perceive (erroneously) as your weaknesses.An intimacy-phobic person fears others getting close because they would then see these apparent ‘flaws’, which can be feelings of sadness, anger, shame and grief.The wonderful thing about learning not to fear intimacy is that not only will your intimate relationships improve, but so too will your friendships, your ability to work with colleagues, and your capacity to actually create the life you want for yourself. Or leave a question or comment in the public box below, we love hearing from you. We risk portraying sex as a cornerstone of a person’s life instead of a component of a holistic existence.The real truth was that she was lonely and felt that nobody knew her.